IT AIN'T THAT EASY!

 

HAVE YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK?

If you try to buy a RockWacker, the process must begin with a

POSITIVELY EXCRUCIATING

qualification and negotiation period. Hell, the conclusion may be that we need to grow a special tree just for you, and you'll have to pay a premium to take delivery in twenty years.

Well, what would you expect, from a product with a 3,000 YEAR GUARANTEE!?! and other fascinating features.

You have already seen your first homework assignment.  You do not qualify for a RockWacker if your life has been more interesting than Moses'.  So you must write and send the story of your life.

Anyway, after that you must endure the embarassing and invasive collaborative design process, which demands that you reveal such things as

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?

In fact, just to get warmed up, answer that one right now and email the result to silent@wordless.us.

Even if you skip that part, it only gets worse. No matter what, you will have to talk to me.

AND YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER.

Email yours to me at silent@wordless.us.

I'll call, if I feel like talking sometime. Don't forget about the ironclad guarantee:

IRONCLAD GUARANTEE:

If you try to do anything with TheWordless, you will always enjoy

POSITIVELY GLACIAL

SERVICE AND RESPONSE

Glacial means:

COLD, and

SLOW.

I don't want you holding your breath until you turn purple, pass out, and embark on unseemly dreams. While you are waiting for the call, try to find something worthwhile to do. Maybe click around on TheWordless.com.

If you find yourself possessed of dumb determination combined with a paucity of patience, go ahead and snail mail a mountain of anything negotiable to:

TheWordless.com

2442 N.W. Market #128

Seattle, WA 98107

I will make sure to let you know how I spent it. If you foolishly elect to go this route, make sure some kind of return address is somewhere legible, so I can send your RockWacker.

And lend a hand in the design by answering some or all of the following (seemingly irrelevent) questions:

  • What do your bumperstickers say?
  • What was the most exciting day of your life?
  • What was the most satisfying day of your life?
  • Do you intend to top it?
  • Which order button did you click?  Make your offer.
  • What is your most prized possession?
  • How tall are you?
  • What is your favorite charity?
  • Why is a duck?

    adopt your own virtual pet!

 

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